Tag Archives: God’s plan

God’s Plan for Carmin*

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Most of the children who come to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage don’t expect to be placed here. They wait in the children’s court for the custody decision of the judge. The judge has two options: Place the child with a family member or adult friend, or send the child to an orphanage. Carmin’s case had a different slant to it. She lived with her grandfather in a safe environment, taking care of him while he provided a meager life for her. She didn’t have a reason or desire to change that. However, her world shook when she sat in her sister’s audience and heard her grandfather’s idea. He wanted his newly found granddaughter to stay in Shadow and for Carmin to go live with her. I believed this to be God’s plan for Carmin.

The loss of color in Carmin’s face and the moist dark eyes were the only visible clues to her reaction. She outwardly accepted everything that her grandfather and the judge decided for her, but I knew her insides had to be in turmoil. Saying good-bye to the grandfather turned out awkward for both girls. Vanesa* didn’t know him, and Carmin didn’t want to say good-bye. Concerned about her clothes and personal items, I assured her that we would have everything she needed.

The three hour trip to Monjas didn’t open any doors for reconciliation. These two hadn’t been together for ten years, and Vanesa didn’t seem to care if that changed. Vanesa, separated from her family at three years of age, didn’t remember Carmin. She scooted up tightly to the window and kept her eyes glued outside, acting like she might miss seeing something as we passed by. Carmin’s few words, while trying to invite conversation, met with silence. Gerber took the position of a peacemaker, but that fell flat too, since only I responded. Oh, Lord, we have our work cut out for us. Restore this relationship, and fill these girls with your love for one another. Guide us in helping with this huge transition.

Children came running and shouting with excitement when they saw us driving up to Vanesa’s home. Curiosity as to what caused such a ruckus brought out the house parents. Now in her familiar territory, Vanesa left Carmin and ran off with her friends. I introduced Carmin to the house parents, who responded with words of welcome, and then I took her to the storeroom for the normal clothing and necessities allotment.

“Vanesa just needs some time to adjust to the idea that you are her sister. She has fought the ‘battle of life’ alone for a long time, and it will be hard for her to trust you immediately.” I felt like I did all the talking, but I continued to give her the “new at Shadow” spiel. Carmin listened intently and smiled, but few words came out of her mouth. This girl needs time to adjust to us too.

My mind tried to land on some ideas to help these two biologically related strangers develop a “friend” relationship.  I believed if they could start there, the rest would take place naturally. Both girls took responsibility well and had leadership giftings. We all saw a maturity that lacked in many of the kids the same age. The teachers and house parents confirmed this to us. I assured myself that it wouldn’t take long for both girls to find each other as sisters and readjust their lives. If only it were that easy.

*Names have been changed.

Trusting the Lord

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During the time of lamenting and second-guessing myself, the Lord got my attention, and I realized I lacked trust in Him. I preached to the children about the trust we can have with the Lord, yet I faltered as I thought of my responses about Sara*. Three different people came forward and shared words of encouragement with me. None of them knew to the extent that my mind twisted and turned about the responsibility I brought upon the Home. They said that Sara would find the Lord Jesus Christ as her Savior. She would find love and security that she never knew before living with us. All three people spoke the same words at three separate times. I may not have understood all of the “whys,” but God had a plan, and I needed to trust the Lord with Sara’s life. He showed me that when I recognized my weakness, then He could work through the situation with His might and wisdom. I surely recognized my weaknesses. Forgive me, Lord, for my doubts, and help me to trust you more. 

People scheduled to help with dialysis, which we administered four times a day. We sectioned off and sanitized a little room for Sara’s medical supplies and treatments. We learned to record the amount of fluid drained from her, the amount of fluid input, her temperature, and any external visible signs. My missionary friend Dannie sent me a list of signals to watch for that would indicate an emergency. Checking for signs of swelling, weakness, sleeping more than usual, white around the lips, or coughing kept us on alert. But each day became more complicated with her death wish. One time, Sara cut the dialysis cord to her abdomen, and we rushed her to the emergency room. There were times she refused to eat, thinking that she could starve herself to death. But God had a plan, and our little team gathered together in prayer for her. During our turns administering dialysis, we planted seeds of hope and love into her heart. I spent many hours with her during dialysis and saw her emotional pain. She viewed herself as garbage. Her tears and wild responses showed me the deep fear she tried to hide. I felt myself becoming more protective of her. Gradually, I could see the walls starting to crumble.

The judge who gave us custody of Sara asked if we could find someone in the States who would adopt her. She wanted Sara to have the possibility of a kidney transplant and saw this as a solution. The thought startled me, because I couldn’t imagine anyone adopting a child with such a difficult medical history. I had more to pray for but could see this as a possibility for Sara’s life.

“Sara, did you know that God created you with a plan and a purpose for your life before He created the world?” Her fingers wove in and out of my blonde hair, which all of the kids liked to do, but the strange look I received told me she did not know this. I read Psalm 139 to her. “Sara, God doesn’t make mistakes, and even though we don’t understand all that is going on in our lives, we know that He created us for something good. How would you feel about being adopted, going to the States to be a part of a family, and having a kidney transplant?” I really didn’t know what to expect but was surprised at such quick negativity. “No!” she muttered turning away from me.

One of the requirements in the adoption process was the approval from Sara. What can we do to change her mind? How can we help her see the benefits of adoption? I said the words out loud many times: God has a plan all worked out for Sara. We were in the dark as to where He would lead her, but I trusted in Him.

*Name has been changed.

The Police Visit

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The day after we received the three girls, the court called about another thirteen-year-old who would be transferred from another orphanage into our Home. The administrator and friend of another orphanage had recommended us for custody. When she arrived, she looked like a beanpole with kinky matted hair and sad eyes. Paola reminded me of an abused kitten looking for someone to hold and pet her but ready to run in a minute.

I took a deep breath and looked at this growing family. I felt the overwhelming need in their lives for love and protection. I cried out to the Lord, because I knew I couldn’t give them all that they needed. The emotions I felt with the arrival of each one tore at my heart. I decided at that time that I could cry, and I didn’t need to be tough. I just needed to realize that the power and might came from the Lord Jesus Himself. I prayed a prayer that I would repeat over and over. Lord, do not let my heart be desensitized to what these children are feeling. I need to feel their pain so that I will stay motivated in helping them in any way you lead me.

Later, when in the kitchen, I heard screaming from the upstairs bedroom. I glanced out the kitchen window and saw a man and woman standing outside the gate. The Guatemalan helper went upstairs to deal with the girl who screamed, Xiomara*, while I went out to the front with our cook. Xiomara’s parents had found the orphanage and decided they wanted to visit with her. I explained that none of the children could receive visits until they had been in the Home for six weeks. The children needed time to adapt without any outside interference. I looked at the father and wondered why Xiomara needed to live with us, when he sported a big gold necklace around his neck and wore rings on his fingers, and both he and his wife were dressed well in modern clothes.

“If you don’t let us see our daughter, we will go to the police,” yelled the mother.

“I’m sorry, but I already explained that I can’t do that,” I calmly replied, even though I shook like a leaf and watched every movement they made. What if he has a gun? Lord, protect us. 

The couple left, and I breathed a sigh of relief, but that was short-lived. A short time later, I looked out the window and saw a lot of activity and eight policemen in front of the gate. Oh goodness, Lord! I think I’m outnumbered. Send more angels. You said you would give me what I need when I needed it. Show me the right things to say, Lord, and please keep me out of jail. I put on my bold face and walked out to meet the captain. He glanced up to see Xiomara in the bedroom window screaming, “Mama,” before someone moved her to another room.

Out of all the men, one wore an official-looking brimmed hat, so I went to greet him and the other men. When he introduced himself to me, he confirmed that he was the one in charge. My Spanish ability stretched beyond what I thought was capable. It took several minutes for me to communicate the situation and why the couple had to wait for six weeks before they could see their daughter. “Captain, Sir, they are the ones who took her to the court for placement in an orphanage, and now they want to see her before the allowed time.” I stood firm in what I said, and, in time, the captain saw our side. He told the parents that they would have to follow the policy of the Home.

Moving toward the car he said, “I will take them with me, and I assure you they will not come back to bother you. Thank you for what you are doing.” They all left, and I couldn’t get my legs to function to take me back into house. I think every bit of adrenaline had been used in my body. Lord, this whole orphanage idea is turning into quite the adventure. Am I right that more is coming this way? If I had truly known what was coming, I think I might have run the other way. Its good that the Lord doesn’t usually tell us in advance what His plan includes. I’m learning that it is better to take one day at a time.

*Name has been changed.

The Court System

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We became a legal orphanage, prepared it to rescue children from the streets, and nothing happened. The courts did not know of our existence, and it became our responsibility to get the name of the orphanage into the court system. We sent out invitations to judges, social workers, and court officials to an open house. We invited them to view the facility, listen to our vision for the children, ask questions, and make comments. Since I couldn’t do much communicating, I shyly stood behind Joanne with a big welcoming smile for the few women who responded. The introduction process to our mission worked, and the calls for child placement began to pour in.

At this time in Guatemala, the government changed the process for putting children in orphanages. Due to illegal adoptions and corruption, all children were now processed through the court system. The old process allowed a homeless child to be placed into a Home without any question of legality. But now, for the security and safety of the orphaned and abandoned children, a stricter custody process was implemented. Learning the policies and procedures of the court system in working with children moved to the top of my list. Lord, I don’t know how to pass this obstacle without your help. Send me the people I need to show me the way through this third-world system, and give me the ability to comprehend the Spanish.

The call from the court came, and my heart jumped. They had a thirteen-year-old girl named Xiomara*. Could we come to the court and pick her up? With plans in place, a board member, our Spanish helper, and I went to the court. Taken back by the number of people who lined the walls waiting for their turn with the judge, I kept telling myself that with God’s help we could do this. The noise of screaming kids and loud voices bounced off the concrete-block walls, and the court official had to yell the name of the next person to enter the offices. I held tightly to the documents that showed the legality of the orphanage and that we had government approval. It took effort to get the attention of the court official within the mob, but in a short period of time, I had a court order for temporary custody in one hand and the hand of Xiomara in the other. I floated out of the building thinking that we had reached a major goal. We had our first official girl!

We returned to the orphanage, and later that afternoon we received a second call for two more girls—sisters. My last visit to the courts had been successful, and I knew this one would be too. I didn’t realize these trips would be filled with emotion. I walked into the office of the magistrate (changed to the title of “judge” a year later), and my eyes swept the scene in front of me. Two girls tightly held each other as they sobbed. On the other side of the magistrate’s desk appeared to be family members also crying and moaning. I glanced at the magistrate, who nodded in the direction of the girls. I immediately put my arms around them, pulling them into a hug. Their response broke my heart as they literally clung to me.

I found out that the mother had brought Lorena* and Mari* to the court because of sexual abuse from her boyfriend. The unsuspecting girls did not know the reason for the “visit” to the court. Right before I walked into the room, the magistrate had told them they would have a new home with us. Lord, have mercy on these children. They are the victims, and I see the pain in their eyes. With heavy hearts, the girls and I went to the orphanage, where we began intense counseling.

Still wired from the experience of the day, I evaluated my emotions. I had felt so prepared to work with these children. I desired to help them feel that they were now part of a family. Suddenly, I felt very inadequate. How could this mother give up her children for a boyfriend? This showed such rejection. How would I help bring healing into these three lives that I was now responsible for? The Lord reminded me of the power of love. These abandoned children needed to feel that love and know that they were safe. They needed to know about God’s plan for their lives.

*Names have been changed.