Category Archives: trusting God

Protection and Guidance

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My heart rate shot up when I heard the dreaded pop of the tire. With a death grip on the steering wheel, I drove slowly around the mountain, looking for a space big enough to pull off the highway. Lord, I need your protection and guidance. What should I do? Several yards from the devastating hole in the highway, I saw a large area, pulled in, and grabbed my phone. While I waited for an answer, I looked around for landmarks to explain where I could be located. I had left Guatemala City two hours ago. I knew one thing for sure: This area had a reputation of being a dangerous section for robbery or worse. Being alone, white, and female made me a prime candidate for such activity.

My voice quivered, “Gerber, I need your help. I have a flat tire, and I’m sitting on the side of the highway in the Corona area.”

“I’m on my way!” said Gerber, heading to his car. “I can be there in about forty minutes.”

I took some deep breaths. Calm down and think. I got out of the car and viewed the damage. I quickly dismissed the idea of changing the tire myself. It was not a wise choice in light of the danger. Tell me, Lord, what I should do. I returned to the car, locked the doors, and put on the hazard lights. With dark windows, nobody could see inside the car, and I wanted people to know the car was occupied. With the uncertainty of there being ethical police officers in the area, I determined not to respond if any came by me. I had a full tank of gas, a good battery, and lots of daylight left, so I tuned into the music on my iPod and prayed.

Many times I had counseled with the girls about fear and trusting the Lord during fearful times. Now, I found myself in the time of a big exam. Thoughts from the past fluttered into my mind. I remembered the time when a young man got shot and killed as he walked a short distance from my house. I had heard fireworks and similar noises that night, but it didn’t register that they could have been gunshots. In the office the next morning, someone asked if I knew what had happened and if I saw anything. “No, I heard the loud firecracker noises that seemed to last for a long time. I shut my door to block out the commotion, thinking that someone had a big birthday celebration going on.”

That afternoon I went outside and found a rifle cartridge about three feet from the other side of my living room wall. My heart skipped a few beats when I realized the seriousness of the situation. The gossip about town said this was an act of retaliation. I slept with my bedroom door locked every night, but this particular night I had to check a few times to make sure. I felt fearful, thinking that I might be the next victim if the person who committed the crime thought I saw anything. Scriptures of the Lord’s protection began to flow into my mind. I repeated those aloud, ending with, “I am under the shadow of Your wing.” Peace moved over me, and I slept well that night and after.

After thinking about that experience, I looked at the time on my phone. How disappointing to see that only fifteen minutes had passed, but I felt a peace flow into me. The Lord would protect me now just as He did after the shooting. Fear no longer had its hold on me, and I refused to give into any thoughts in that direction. I laid my head back and slipped into another memory of the Lord’s protection and guidance.

Trusting the Lord

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During the time of lamenting and second-guessing myself, the Lord got my attention, and I realized I lacked trust in Him. I preached to the children about the trust we can have with the Lord, yet I faltered as I thought of my responses about Sara*. Three different people came forward and shared words of encouragement with me. None of them knew to the extent that my mind twisted and turned about the responsibility I brought upon the Home. They said that Sara would find the Lord Jesus Christ as her Savior. She would find love and security that she never knew before living with us. All three people spoke the same words at three separate times. I may not have understood all of the “whys,” but God had a plan, and I needed to trust the Lord with Sara’s life. He showed me that when I recognized my weakness, then He could work through the situation with His might and wisdom. I surely recognized my weaknesses. Forgive me, Lord, for my doubts, and help me to trust you more. 

People scheduled to help with dialysis, which we administered four times a day. We sectioned off and sanitized a little room for Sara’s medical supplies and treatments. We learned to record the amount of fluid drained from her, the amount of fluid input, her temperature, and any external visible signs. My missionary friend Dannie sent me a list of signals to watch for that would indicate an emergency. Checking for signs of swelling, weakness, sleeping more than usual, white around the lips, or coughing kept us on alert. But each day became more complicated with her death wish. One time, Sara cut the dialysis cord to her abdomen, and we rushed her to the emergency room. There were times she refused to eat, thinking that she could starve herself to death. But God had a plan, and our little team gathered together in prayer for her. During our turns administering dialysis, we planted seeds of hope and love into her heart. I spent many hours with her during dialysis and saw her emotional pain. She viewed herself as garbage. Her tears and wild responses showed me the deep fear she tried to hide. I felt myself becoming more protective of her. Gradually, I could see the walls starting to crumble.

The judge who gave us custody of Sara asked if we could find someone in the States who would adopt her. She wanted Sara to have the possibility of a kidney transplant and saw this as a solution. The thought startled me, because I couldn’t imagine anyone adopting a child with such a difficult medical history. I had more to pray for but could see this as a possibility for Sara’s life.

“Sara, did you know that God created you with a plan and a purpose for your life before He created the world?” Her fingers wove in and out of my blonde hair, which all of the kids liked to do, but the strange look I received told me she did not know this. I read Psalm 139 to her. “Sara, God doesn’t make mistakes, and even though we don’t understand all that is going on in our lives, we know that He created us for something good. How would you feel about being adopted, going to the States to be a part of a family, and having a kidney transplant?” I really didn’t know what to expect but was surprised at such quick negativity. “No!” she muttered turning away from me.

One of the requirements in the adoption process was the approval from Sara. What can we do to change her mind? How can we help her see the benefits of adoption? I said the words out loud many times: God has a plan all worked out for Sara. We were in the dark as to where He would lead her, but I trusted in Him.

*Name has been changed.

Refuge from Earthquakes

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I stood in the bathroom preparing for a luncheon engagement when the floor started rolling. The washer downstairs repeatedly banged against the wall, confirming that I needed to get outside quickly. Earthquake! “Lord, keep us all protected,” I mouthed as I grabbed the rail of the stairs. I literally flew down stairs and ran to the front door. Parked in front of the door, my car bobbed like a boat over waves on a lake. The sounds around me were loud, as the buildings shifted and groaned under the strong movements of the earthquake. My heart rolled right along with everything else. Then it all stopped. Quietness set in until the initial shock passed, then everybody around me went into action. I persuaded my rubbery legs to function and entered the apartment to see what damage had been done. I had felt tremors in Guatemala several times, but this was an earthquake.

It amazed me how well-built the concrete block homes were. Everything in the apartment held together as if it had been gently rocked. Nothing broke, and the windows held firm. I thanked the Lord for His protection.

On January 13, 2001, the USGS reported that the 7.9 earthquake, on the Richter scale, had its epicenter off the coast of El Salvador. This devastating earthquake caused several landslides in El Salvador, killing hundreds of people and covering villages and homes. Eight people in Guatemala died as a result. The news said that this earthquake was the strongest in El Salvador since 1986. We lived about 148 miles from the devastation. After the main earthquake, the ground continued to convulse, with 660 after-shocks reported.

To add to the drama, the active volcano Pacaya boomed during the night, with huge columns of smoke pouring into the sky. I felt like we were in a scene right out of the Indiana Jones movie set.

We felt many of the after-shocks over the next several days. After the first night of several shakings, I slipped my clothes on as I prepared for bed. I didn’t want to be in my pajamas if I needed to make a hasty retreat outside. What I didn’t wear to bed, I put in a pile by the door to grab on my way out. I wanted to be prepared. I already had a small survival pack, but it enlarged greatly after this experience. I loaded up the trunk of the car with water and a food supply—just in case.

A week later, while at school, another big earthquake hit us with the epicenter in southern Mexico.The long florescent lights swung back and forth as I moved the kids to the inside wall, away from the windows. One of my students had a panic attack and started hyperventilating. Fortunately, the tremor lasted only a few seconds, because Tom* ran to the hall and hollered, “I can’t stand it, I’ve got to get out of here.” Another teacher covered for me while I took him outside to calm him down. We talked, and I prayed with him. However, with all of the earthquake activity that had been going on, he sank deeper into his state of fear. I encouraged him to come back into the classroom. He replied, “No way.”

“Tom, I’ll let you put your desk by the door, we’ll keep the door open, and you can see the outside door from where you sit.” After a few moments of thought, he agreed to do this. We entered the classroom, and I knew we needed to read Psalm 91 again and talk about the Lord’s protection. Peace settled upon Tom and the other students when they were reminded of the love the Lord shows them every day and that He is their Protector.

All of us experience a certain degree of fear at different points of our walk in this life. I may have reacted like Tom in the earlier years of my life, before I knew of the Lord’s love. Psalm 91 comforts me and is a favorite passage that reminds me of the peace that the Lord wants all of us to have. My heart still races when the ground moves, but knowing that the Lord has my hand helps me to feel peace and trust in Him. Another favorite reminder of His love is Isaiah 41:13, “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isn’t He awesome? Our Creator encourages us to have a personal relationship with Him in this life. I hope and pray we can hang onto that hand and not let go no matter what happens around us. It’s our refuge—a safe place with Him.

*Name has been changed.