During the time of lamenting and second-guessing myself, the Lord got my attention, and I realized I lacked trust in Him. I preached to the children about the trust we can have with the Lord, yet I faltered as I thought of my responses about Sara*. Three different people came forward and shared words of encouragement with me. None of them knew to the extent that my mind twisted and turned about the responsibility I brought upon the Home. They said that Sara would find the Lord Jesus Christ as her Savior. She would find love and security that she never knew before living with us. All three people spoke the same words at three separate times. I may not have understood all of the “whys,” but God had a plan, and I needed to trust the Lord with Sara’s life. He showed me that when I recognized my weakness, then He could work through the situation with His might and wisdom. I surely recognized my weaknesses. Forgive me, Lord, for my doubts, and help me to trust you more. 

People scheduled to help with dialysis, which we administered four times a day. We sectioned off and sanitized a little room for Sara’s medical supplies and treatments. We learned to record the amount of fluid drained from her, the amount of fluid input, her temperature, and any external visible signs. My missionary friend Dannie sent me a list of signals to watch for that would indicate an emergency. Checking for signs of swelling, weakness, sleeping more than usual, white around the lips, or coughing kept us on alert. But each day became more complicated with her death wish. One time, Sara cut the dialysis cord to her abdomen, and we rushed her to the emergency room. There were times she refused to eat, thinking that she could starve herself to death. But God had a plan, and our little team gathered together in prayer for her. During our turns administering dialysis, we planted seeds of hope and love into her heart. I spent many hours with her during dialysis and saw her emotional pain. She viewed herself as garbage. Her tears and wild responses showed me the deep fear she tried to hide. I felt myself becoming more protective of her. Gradually, I could see the walls starting to crumble.

The judge who gave us custody of Sara asked if we could find someone in the States who would adopt her. She wanted Sara to have the possibility of a kidney transplant and saw this as a solution. The thought startled me, because I couldn’t imagine anyone adopting a child with such a difficult medical history. I had more to pray for but could see this as a possibility for Sara’s life.

“Sara, did you know that God created you with a plan and a purpose for your life before He created the world?” Her fingers wove in and out of my blonde hair, which all of the kids liked to do, but the strange look I received told me she did not know this. I read Psalm 139 to her. “Sara, God doesn’t make mistakes, and even though we don’t understand all that is going on in our lives, we know that He created us for something good. How would you feel about being adopted, going to the States to be a part of a family, and having a kidney transplant?” I really didn’t know what to expect but was surprised at such quick negativity. “No!” she muttered turning away from me.

One of the requirements in the adoption process was the approval from Sara. What can we do to change her mind? How can we help her see the benefits of adoption? I said the words out loud many times: God has a plan all worked out for Sara. We were in the dark as to where He would lead her, but I trusted in Him.

*Name has been changed.