Tag Archives: letting go

Letting Go: Part 3

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After entering the courtroom, I stalled as long as I could while I savored those last moments with Marita. With the paperwork completed, the judge said the time had come for me to give her to her Great-Aunt Nora.* I hugged Marita close and planted a kiss on her cheek, then quickly held her toward Nora. With her arms around Marita, Nora turned away from me while I made my escape. Marita started screaming before I got to the door, and in the reflection of the window, I could see her little arms reaching out to me. Oh, this hurts. Keep me from going back to her. Lord, I can only do this with you. Practically running, I descended two floors of the building before I stopped hearing the screams of that dear baby girl.

I came face-to-face with something that I had pushed aside, up until now. I needed to resolve the fact that many of the children who came into Shadow of His Wings Orphanage would someday return to a family member or friend. The courts looked at us as a foster-care facility rather than a permanent Home. I mentally reviewed the purpose for founding the orphanage. We established it as a place of refuge; a home to provide healing, hope, and love for hurting and needy children. I didn’t know how many times I would be saying goodbye to children who had a piece of my heart, but I could trust the Lord to help me let them go when the time came. I trusted Him to keep them in His care as a Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). God desired all of us at Shadow to invest love and hope into these little lives, even if their stay with us happened to be for a short time. That valuable input made a positive difference in each child. They came in thinking they were garbage, but when they left, they knew they were special in our eyes and the heart of the Lord.

Later, I saw something from a different perspective. As I thought about when Marita cried as I departed, I saw it from her point of view. Children come to us, become part of a family, and then have to leave in uncertainty, their lives changing again. They would be filled with the same fear I saw in Marita. As for myself, I realized that I didn’t have to leave; I just had to let go. They had to leave and let go, giving up all the familiarity around them. I had confidence that the Lord would help everyone during this difficult time, but Shadow needed to help these children accept the unpredictable future by learning to trust and love the Lord. How ironic that when each child enters this refuge, they need to prepare to leave. This preparation needed to be a goal for all staff and workers at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and I saw how that could be accomplished.

Letting Go: Part 2

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MaritaMarita’s great-aunt Nora* told her story, and with the information the mother Rosa* gave, we solved the mystery of Marita’s true identity. We learned how Marita ended up in a box with the bomberos (search-and-rescue people). Rosa asked her sister to take care of her baby for a couple of days. When the time had passed and Rosa didn’t return, the sister took matters into her own hands. She put Marita in a cardboard box and carried her to the bomberos’ station. She lied to them, saying she had no clue who the baby belonged to, aiming retaliation at her sister. When Rosa returned for her little one and discovered her gone, she immediately went to the police, but they didn’t have any information for her. Later, she saw Marita’s picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and went to the court claiming her daughter.

It seemed that the judge had similar questions like mine, so Rosa received only a court order to visit her child. I knew that the human-rights group and the court would be investigating the stories of both Rosa and the great-aunt. After a few months, it became obvious that Nora showed more stability and love for Marita, making her a better choice for custody. The judge made that decision, giving the Nora custody and granting the mother permission to make regular visits. Now came the hard part. In all of this, I had to learn about “letting go.”

The Lord graciously prepared me for saying goodbye to this darling baby that had captured my heart. I felt a peace that Marita would be safe with her great-aunt. The day came for me to take her to the court and give up custody.

I looked around the bedroom at all of the items I’d purchased and decided that everything would go with her. In my mind, these items belonged to Marita, and she should be surrounded by her familiar possessions. The adjustment would be difficult, and the stuffed teddy bear, toys, and blankets could help her.

Carrying a huge black garbage bag, a bulging diaper bag, and Marita in my arms, I entered the chamber of the judge. Nora watched anxiously with her eyes, following Marita as I came across the room. She put out her hands to Marita, who turned away, wrapped her arms around my neck, and refused to look at her. Lord, this is going to be very painful for both of us. Give us the strength to make it through this day with your peace. Even feeling the peace, letting go proved to be one of the hardest things I had to do.

*Names have been changed.