Category Archives: trust the Lord

Letting Go: Part 3

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After entering the courtroom, I stalled as long as I could while I savored those last moments with Marita. With the paperwork completed, the judge said the time had come for me to give her to her Great-Aunt Nora.* I hugged Marita close and planted a kiss on her cheek, then quickly held her toward Nora. With her arms around Marita, Nora turned away from me while I made my escape. Marita started screaming before I got to the door, and in the reflection of the window, I could see her little arms reaching out to me. Oh, this hurts. Keep me from going back to her. Lord, I can only do this with you. Practically running, I descended two floors of the building before I stopped hearing the screams of that dear baby girl.

I came face-to-face with something that I had pushed aside, up until now. I needed to resolve the fact that many of the children who came into Shadow of His Wings Orphanage would someday return to a family member or friend. The courts looked at us as a foster-care facility rather than a permanent Home. I mentally reviewed the purpose for founding the orphanage. We established it as a place of refuge; a home to provide healing, hope, and love for hurting and needy children. I didn’t know how many times I would be saying goodbye to children who had a piece of my heart, but I could trust the Lord to help me let them go when the time came. I trusted Him to keep them in His care as a Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). God desired all of us at Shadow to invest love and hope into these little lives, even if their stay with us happened to be for a short time. That valuable input made a positive difference in each child. They came in thinking they were garbage, but when they left, they knew they were special in our eyes and the heart of the Lord.

Later, I saw something from a different perspective. As I thought about when Marita cried as I departed, I saw it from her point of view. Children come to us, become part of a family, and then have to leave in uncertainty, their lives changing again. They would be filled with the same fear I saw in Marita. As for myself, I realized that I didn’t have to leave; I just had to let go. They had to leave and let go, giving up all the familiarity around them. I had confidence that the Lord would help everyone during this difficult time, but Shadow needed to help these children accept the unpredictable future by learning to trust and love the Lord. How ironic that when each child enters this refuge, they need to prepare to leave. This preparation needed to be a goal for all staff and workers at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and I saw how that could be accomplished.

Rescued and Safe

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Rescued and safe with us put Ana’s* situation on a high level of concern as I pondered her special needs. My problem-solving ability went into overtime with this girl. I questioned how to obtain justice in her life when nothing existed for tracking those responsible for her mental and physical state. It overwhelmed me, but the Lord graciously reminded me that I had to trust Him with the plan for her life. My worrying didn’t bring anything positive into her situation or my life. Oh, Lord, will I ever learn that You are the one with the answers for Ana. 

Joanne, the other Guatemalans who worked for us, and I talked about possible help for Ana. I expressed my deep desire to keep her with us for as long as possible. Much to Ana’s delight, we sent her to school with the other girls. Several self-appointed classmates stepped forward to help when the need arose. The director and teachers at Liberty Christian School (our private school for the orphanage) set up a program for her. Meanwhile, we looked for other ministries that could provide optional services for Ana. We wanted her to have all the help possible.

During the first several months, Ana spoke only a few words at a time and on rare occasions. She described to the caretakers about “blood all over,” “dirty,” and she would make a motion of her hand sweeping from her elbow to the hand. She talked about a knife and slid her hand across her throat. She also talked about a baby and a boy. Ana mentioned a papa in the context that he had blood all over his arms and hands. Ana repeated the words of gory happenings, so we knew that something real and horrible took place with her watching or being involved. With her little-girl speech and mentality, it was difficult to come to any clear conclusions, but one could guess of her involvement in satanic rituals. As the neurologist said, he had seen many victims of such rituals that had shut down their brains to protect themselves.

I needed to let go of the pain I felt for her and be content to open the door for her safety, love, and healing. All of this would take place in the Lord’s time and not mine. Did I trust the Lord to do that? The question haunted me, but I got to the place where I could say, “Yes, Lord, she is in your hands. Lead us and guide us in helping her.”

A miracle was needed to heal the damage in this girl. We declared that what the enemy meant for evil to destroy Ana, God would use for good. I continued to declare justice for her but knew that I couldn’t make it happen. We didn’t have any concrete evidence to involve the police or the human rights people. Ana stood as one of many. I also knew the justice she deserved would come in the name of the Lord. He had brought her to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and she felt rescued and safe in this refuge for children. Under my watchful eye, and in the hands of the Lord, peace filled my heart. Ana didn’t have to suffer or die out in the world all alone. She had a home and family to take care of her.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what we can do for Ana and any others that may come to us from similar circumstances. I moved further in the area of trust in the Lord through a special child.

*Name has been changed.