Category Archives: Family Blending

Caty’s Refuge Chapter 7

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CHAPTER SEVEN

ADVENTURE AT MAMA CARROLL’S

A time came when I offered the house parents a break, and had Caty stay with me for a week. I took her into the  spare bedroom. 

    “This is your room, and the bathroom is across the hall. It has a shower, and I’ll show you how to turn on the water.” I didn’t hear any response but saw the glimmer of light shining in Caty’s eyes. 

   Caty went through the nesting process while I prepared lunch, and when I returned, I saw my Pooh Bear layered in three of her shirts. The rest of her possessions lay on the bed in neat piles. It impressed me to see accomplishments, but I would soon take a different view of the visit.

   The adventure began when Caty put her dirty clothes into the washing machine, and dumped in Ajax. A  day later a full bottle of shower gel stood empty after two showers. I don’t think being clean was her motive for the showers. 

   Her period began, and I found the paper strips from three Kotex pads lying on the counter. I guess she wanted to be prepared. I watched her with more caution but was secretly pleased to see the initiative she took in taking care of herself.

   Caty loved watching movies, so one night I chose “Rudy.” 

   She rarely commented about what she saw, but pointed to a young woman and declared, “That’s Amy, I know her, that’s Amy.”

   Amy worked as a volunteer nurse in the orphanage. I marveled at how Caty went through the mental process of identifying someone she knew with a movie character.

    “Yes, it does look like our Amy, doesn’t it?”  I said chewing on some popcorn.

   I wanted this time to be special for our gal, and remembered a necklace of plastic Christmas lights I had in some stored decorations. I dug it out and showed it to Caty. Encouraged by her smile, I hooked it around her neck and pushed the button to turn on the lights, and then moved her in front of the mirror so she could see the colored twinkles. Bedtime came, and I removed the necklace, promising she could wear it the next day and laid it on the nightstand. 

   The following day, while sipping my coffee, Caty marched in with the necklace around her neck and the lights aglow. This amazing girl had it all figured out.

   The time came for Caty to return to her casita, and I saw an attitude coming on when she refused to pack up her things. So, for an incentive, I told her I’d give her the necklace to keep when we got to the Home. Caty grabbed her bag and climbed into the car quick as lightning. That worked, and off we went. 

Biologically Related Strangers

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Within two weeks of the court audience, the house parents came to me saying that the two recently reunited sisters would not talk to each other. They wouldn’t respond except to walk away with their noses in the air. Carmin* didn’t provoke negative action, but out of loyalty, most of the girls sided with Vanesa.* I knew intervention would be needed in this delicate situation but was not sure what. I told the house parents that I’d visit with each girl to find out what could be done to help them. I discouraged the idea of discipline, because forcing a relationship would not bring the desired results. Love needed time to bloom.

“Hey, Carmin, how are you doing? It’s been what, two weeks since you joined us? Is there anything I can help you with?” I asked, hoping to open the door to her feelings.

“It’s okay,” she replied, but her downcast eyes didn’t convince me of this. She scooped out some more dirt from the flowerbed she was working in.

“Are you adding some more plants?” I asked, looking at the order of the new plants. I was impressed. She knew what she was doing.

“Yes, there aren’t enough plants in this part.” She huffed as she took out another shovelful of dirt.

“Your house parents are troubled about your relationship with your sister. I need to have you tell me what you think is happening.”

“Mama Carroll, she won’t talk to me. I try to be nice to her and help her, but she pushes me away and won’t talk.”

“Carman, you have entered Vanesa’s territory, and to her, you are a stranger. It will take time for her to accept you as her older sister. She told me there isn’t any memory of you in the past, so it is as if she just met you for the first time. I can see how patient you have been, and I thank you for that and for not getting into verbal confrontations with her.”

Later, I talked to Vanesa. “Do you feel like an intruder moved into your home?”  I asked. Looking up with a half-smile, she shook her head yes. “I’m sure it feels that way, but think of how you would feel if you finally found the sister you loved and had taken care of and, for no reason, she wouldn’t accept you.”

Vanesa’s head went back down to avoid looking at me, while her fingers followed the creases in her skirt. Trying to reach down inside of her, I quietly asked, “Vanesa, are you afraid that she will treat you badly?”

The silence seemed to stretch for minutes before she said, “I don’t know why I don’t want to talk to her.”

IMG_5954  “Vanesa, you are already accepted as part of the Shadow family, and that’s not going to change. Carmin gave up the family she knew to come live with you. Mi Amor, how about you respond to Carmin as you would anyone else in the orphanage, as a friend, being nice and smiling. Let’s see where the relationship goes from there. You know the Lord will help you with this. Let’s ask Him now.” We prayed, and I let her leave the office.

The Shadow team took opportunities to pray and encourage these two. A couple months later, I saw these two biologically related strangers standing together laughing. It was a photo moment, and I didn’t have a camera! Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and love. I saw peace and happiness on their relaxed faces as they shared a special moment together. They finally found each other, and a relationship began to bud. All of us at the Project rejoiced to see the beginning of God’s plan for Carmin and Vanesa coming together.

*Names have been changed.

Family Blending

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Outside circumstances added the red hot pepper to the chili, so to speak, but real life took place within the walls of the orphanage. With the addition of each child, the blending of a family became more difficult. Each girl had her own baggage, but the needs were similar. They hungered for love and a sense of belonging. Lord, help me to show Your love to these girls and that we are a family.

“Mama Carroll is my mother, and I am the only one who can call her Mama,” Leti* announced one evening at the supper table. Paola* jumped up and ran crying into the bedroom. Leti sat with a satisfied grin on her face. I went to Paola, denouncing what Leti said and assuring her of my love for her.

Xiomara* would strike out at Paola whenever she thought nobody saw her. Lorena* confided that she might be pregnant because she vomited and her breasts ached. The timing of when she came to us would make this a possibility. We faced all these issues and more on a daily basis.

I cringed at the possibility that Lorena might be pregnant. We didn’t establish an orphanage with this possibility in place. She would have to go to another Home where her needs would be met. Oh, Lord, she has adjusted well here, and what would happen to her younger sister? This issue needed to be addressed now. I quickly went to the pharmacy and purchased a pregnancy kit. We thanked God when the test showed negative.

Dealing with Xiomara proved interesting as well. “She’s a liar, I didn’t steal anything,” shouted Xiomara* at Mari*. The directors of the school had a different story, and the implications were clear. I knew that Xiomara came from a crime-ridden area in the City. Notorious for its violence, we gringos avoided going there except for special ministry. The behavior of this girl showed that environment’s influence. She lied, stole, hit, fought, and swore. Our work was cut out for us, and I could understand why her parents had put her in the orphanage.

One afternoon, after Xiomara had been disciplined for her negative actions, she manifested by passing out. Her hands went cold, and her lips swelled and looked distorted. She scared all of the staff when she shouted, “Death is at my feet; oh death is at my feet.” This reeked of a drama-queen thing, but because of the physical signs, Joanne and I decided we needed to take her to the doctor. A missionary nurse came to analyze the situation and confessed that she was leaning toward drama queen, but it would be safer to have a doctor check her out. Meanwhile, we prayed for her deliverance, and within an hour she looked and acted normal. After her appointment, the doctor reported that he couldn’t find anything physically wrong.

Our little family struggled, but with the time invested from the staff and missionaries around me, we saw progress. Each situation was dealt with and sometimes repeatedly so. The children received the daily devotions and times of prayer with an openness that amazed me. Learning of the Lord Jesus Christ and His love for them moved them to tears.

“Paola, I’m sorry I slapped you. Please forgive me,” whispered Xiomara as she moved in for a hug. We had come together before bedtime, and something moved over the girls with a need to repent and ask for forgiveness from those who had been wronged. Oh, Lord, this is music to my ears. Keep touching their hearts with Your love. This makes all that we have gone through worth it.
*Name has been changed.