Author Archives: Carroll

God’s Plan

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One day, Gerber jumped up from his desk and ran toward the gate, responding to Antonio’s cries for help. Following Gerber out the door, I couldn’t believe what I saw. After trying to get out of the gate, little Elias* attempted to climb the wall to make an escape. Gerber caught up to him and held the struggling guy in his arms, “It’s okay, Elias, I’m here to help you.”

I walked back to the office with them, thinking of what I wanted to tell this frightened boy who had been with us for only two days. He desperately felt the need to leave and managed to get out of the school, past their gate, and down to the front gate before he got caught. Elias didn’t respond to Gerber, so he obviously didn’t trust people.

Gerber took Elias into his office to talk, and I asked the social worker about Elias and why he came to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. This boy had lived his young life out on the streets looking for food, a place to sleep, and acceptance. His alcoholic mother told him over and over that he was worthless. She loudly declared that she hated him and wished he had never been born. The neighbors testified to the abuses that took place close to them, and Elias’ body bore scars from his mother and others, as they took out their anger and frustrations upon him.

I could hardly wait to talk with Elias. He sat before me looking down at his shoes. “Elias, look at me, please,” I said. I felt relieved when he did and took advantage of the moment. “Elias, you are loved by all of us here. We want to take care of you and help you feel safe. You don’t have to go look for food or a place to sleep. Don’t you have a bed in the casita?” His scarred head nodded in affirmation. “Have you been given food to eat?” I barely heard the whispered, “Si.”

“Elias, I want to share something with you that you will hear from others here in Shadow, because it is a very important message. Did you know that God has a special plan for your life, and He made you for that special plan? People have done evil things to you, but God did not plan it that way. I believe the Lord has brought you here so you can know how important you are and that you are part of His family.”

I strongly shared these thoughts with Elias because at a time in my past, they impacted me. The goal to teach every child that their lives have purpose in Jesus had been carried out since Marita left the orphanage. Many, like Elias, desperately needed to know their importance in God’s plans. I had the honor of sharing God’s love with Elias. After praying, he rose to leave, grabbed me around my waist, and gave me a big hug. I knew he felt loved, and his life would be transformed because of it.

Elias responded by demonstrating positive changes in his daily interactions. He looked directly into the eyes when spoken to. His lopsided smile and laugh had taken the place of the straight-lipped fear that once showed on his face. Elias soaked in the love and learned to respond to others in the same way as his role models.

My heart soared because of the hope we could give these children, knowing how hopeless many of them felt when they came to us. I could be a part of providing a place of refuge and help them find a purpose for their lives. They are told that they are not some accident but created for a specific plan formed by God. Adding love to this message gives hope the power to fill their hearts with a knowing of who they are in the Lord Jesus. Thank you, Lord, that I can be a part of this with You.

*Name has been changed.

Letting Go: Part 3

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After entering the courtroom, I stalled as long as I could while I savored those last moments with Marita. With the paperwork completed, the judge said the time had come for me to give her to her Great-Aunt Nora.* I hugged Marita close and planted a kiss on her cheek, then quickly held her toward Nora. With her arms around Marita, Nora turned away from me while I made my escape. Marita started screaming before I got to the door, and in the reflection of the window, I could see her little arms reaching out to me. Oh, this hurts. Keep me from going back to her. Lord, I can only do this with you. Practically running, I descended two floors of the building before I stopped hearing the screams of that dear baby girl.

I came face-to-face with something that I had pushed aside, up until now. I needed to resolve the fact that many of the children who came into Shadow of His Wings Orphanage would someday return to a family member or friend. The courts looked at us as a foster-care facility rather than a permanent Home. I mentally reviewed the purpose for founding the orphanage. We established it as a place of refuge; a home to provide healing, hope, and love for hurting and needy children. I didn’t know how many times I would be saying goodbye to children who had a piece of my heart, but I could trust the Lord to help me let them go when the time came. I trusted Him to keep them in His care as a Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). God desired all of us at Shadow to invest love and hope into these little lives, even if their stay with us happened to be for a short time. That valuable input made a positive difference in each child. They came in thinking they were garbage, but when they left, they knew they were special in our eyes and the heart of the Lord.

Later, I saw something from a different perspective. As I thought about when Marita cried as I departed, I saw it from her point of view. Children come to us, become part of a family, and then have to leave in uncertainty, their lives changing again. They would be filled with the same fear I saw in Marita. As for myself, I realized that I didn’t have to leave; I just had to let go. They had to leave and let go, giving up all the familiarity around them. I had confidence that the Lord would help everyone during this difficult time, but Shadow needed to help these children accept the unpredictable future by learning to trust and love the Lord. How ironic that when each child enters this refuge, they need to prepare to leave. This preparation needed to be a goal for all staff and workers at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and I saw how that could be accomplished.

Letting Go: Part 2

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MaritaMarita’s great-aunt Nora* told her story, and with the information the mother Rosa* gave, we solved the mystery of Marita’s true identity. We learned how Marita ended up in a box with the bomberos (search-and-rescue people). Rosa asked her sister to take care of her baby for a couple of days. When the time had passed and Rosa didn’t return, the sister took matters into her own hands. She put Marita in a cardboard box and carried her to the bomberos’ station. She lied to them, saying she had no clue who the baby belonged to, aiming retaliation at her sister. When Rosa returned for her little one and discovered her gone, she immediately went to the police, but they didn’t have any information for her. Later, she saw Marita’s picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and went to the court claiming her daughter.

It seemed that the judge had similar questions like mine, so Rosa received only a court order to visit her child. I knew that the human-rights group and the court would be investigating the stories of both Rosa and the great-aunt. After a few months, it became obvious that Nora showed more stability and love for Marita, making her a better choice for custody. The judge made that decision, giving the Nora custody and granting the mother permission to make regular visits. Now came the hard part. In all of this, I had to learn about “letting go.”

The Lord graciously prepared me for saying goodbye to this darling baby that had captured my heart. I felt a peace that Marita would be safe with her great-aunt. The day came for me to take her to the court and give up custody.

I looked around the bedroom at all of the items I’d purchased and decided that everything would go with her. In my mind, these items belonged to Marita, and she should be surrounded by her familiar possessions. The adjustment would be difficult, and the stuffed teddy bear, toys, and blankets could help her.

Carrying a huge black garbage bag, a bulging diaper bag, and Marita in my arms, I entered the chamber of the judge. Nora watched anxiously with her eyes, following Marita as I came across the room. She put out her hands to Marita, who turned away, wrapped her arms around my neck, and refused to look at her. Lord, this is going to be very painful for both of us. Give us the strength to make it through this day with your peace. Even feeling the peace, letting go proved to be one of the hardest things I had to do.

*Names have been changed.

Unknown Identity Mystery: Part 1

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The first baby we received in the orphanage brought out the “mother hen” in everybody at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. This little doll, with curly black hair and a big smile, captured everyone’s heart. The bomberos (the search and rescue people) named the baby Marita* when she was dropped off at their station. She stirred up great interest because nobody knew who she was or where she came from. Christmas1

According to the information given to us, a woman found the baby in a box, took the box to the bomberos’ station, and prepared to leave without talking to anybody. Someone caught her, and she quickly said the baby didn’t belong to her, and she knew nothing about her. The bomberos took Marita to the children’s court, and she came to us from there.

Her care fell to me because I acted as the housemother, and in no time a strong bond formed. The girls loved taking care of her but in the form of playing dolls. They changed her clothes often and fixed her hair in various ways. They willingly changed her messy diapers. Marita rewarded all of the attention with her smiles and giggles. A casual observer could see that she had everyone wrapped around her little finger.

The human rights people initiated an investigation to find anyone who could identify Marita. We contributed to the search by putting her picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and on TV for any possible leads. A woman claiming to be the mother went to the court immediately after seeing Marita’s picture. The next day she came to our door with a document that declared her right to visit the baby. The mother in me rose up in protest. What if she was not the real mother? How did Marita get lost? What stable mother would lose her baby? It seemed strange that the real mother would not know where her child had gone. We followed the court order, but someone stayed with the mother during the entire visit. With limited Spanish, I couldn’t ask the questions that would help me understand what happened, but I prayed we would have those answers soon.

After a month, another woman came to visit Marita. This woman told the court that she was the mother’s aunt. Our social worker closely followed any information that came from the human rights group, and they said she had documentation to prove her claims of being the biological great-aunt to the baby. Meanwhile, Marita and I drew closer together in a mother-daughter relationship. Just the thought of her leaving the orphanage tore my heart. I needed to prepare myself for this possibility. I did desire for her biological mother to have her child back if she truly loved her and would keep her safe. From our perspective, the mother’s story didn’t seem legitimate. Lord, please prepare me for what is coming. Help the officials to find the truth of what happened and to place Marita with people who will love and care for her.

I wanted to keep Marita with us for her protection, but more importantly, I knew she should be with her biological family. After a good talking to myself, I realized this would be one of many lessons in trusting the Lord to protect the children who came through Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. I would have to let some of them go. I knew I needed the help of the Lord to accomplish this. Could I reconcile the idea that Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, a place of refuge for children, would be temporary in the lives of most of those received?

*Name has been changed.