Cause of Rebellion

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Every story that I hear from the children who come to Shadow stirs the emotions like a hot poker in a bed of coals, but there are some that rip the heart apart. Sadi’s* story did a number on mine when she shared about her painful past. I listened to her story as a counselor, asking the Lord for His words and wisdom to help this girl find some semblance of healing. There had to be an underlying cause of rebellion we saw in her.

Sadi cooperated at times, making me feel hopeful for her healing. Then she bounced back to a state of lies, anger, and a refusal to comply. She’d lived with us for several years, and all of these issues had been dealt with in the past. However, they consistently popped up, letting us know that the wounds continued to ooze. We hoped that she would come to a place of peace with her past through the grace of the Lord.

“Sadi, I want you to tell me everything you remember before you came to Shadow. Who did you live with? What good and bad memories do you have? How did you feel emotionally? Just start anywhere.”

We had followed this line of questioning before because any tidbit of information could be the key to healing her state of emotions.

She thought for several moments. “My mother said she tried to abort me because she didn’t want me. After my birth, she gave me to my father. I hated her. My dad took care of me, and we lived together for seven years.”

“Did you like living with your father, or did he abuse you?” I asked.

“I loved my father,” she replied as a sob took over her voice, “but someone killed him.”

Sadness filled me as I waited for her to get control and continue with her story.

“He sat on the porch, and somebody shot him. I ran out and lay my body against him not knowing what to do. Others came to help, but I don’t remember much after that. I only knew that my dad would never be with me again. Someone took me to my mom’s home, but she still didn’t want me. One day, my step-dad took me for a ride, and we ended up at the children’s court. He told the secretary that he didn’t want another mouth to feed and left me there.”

By this time, it took everything in me to hold myself together while I wrapped my arms around this emotionally distraught child. Lord, only you can mend this shattered heart. Help her to trust us.

I reflected on the disrespect shown by Sadi to the other females in authority at Shadow. She made faces behind their backs and mimicked their words. Before hearing Sadi’s story, I couldn’t understand her contempt, because the women at Shadow showed her love and compassion, yet she lashed out at them. From time to time, she aimed those emotions at me. I now understood that the root of the rebellion grew from a loveless relationship with her mother. Sadi would zero in on the attention of the male population, giving them trust and cooperation, but the female population didn’t have a chance.

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When Sadi turned nineteen, she left the orphanage without any prior word to those in authority. She gave up her university training and moved in with the man she planned to marry. I knew Sadi would need more counseling, but committed her into the hands of the Lord and made myself available to be mama when she wanted to talk. God is the Healer, and my prayers continued for the restoration of her shattered soul. We found the cause of rebellion but, like many children who come through Shadow of His Wings Orphanage we only saw a certain degree of healing. Lord may the rest come through You in Your time as she takes each step with You.

*Name has been changed.

Mission Team

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Have you ever thought what it would be like to be on a mission team to a developing country? Listen to Dr. Jim’s video as he shares his perspective of this life changing event. Jim comes to Shadow every year and even now I can hear the kids chanting, “Yim, Yim, Yim!” (The J is silent in Spanish.)

Shadow of His Wings offers mission team opportunities for any of you who may be interested. This could open the door to a long term ministry for those of you who want to be more involved in seeing lives changed. You can make a difference. Check out Shadow’s website at www.shadowofhiswingsorphanage.org

Shadow’s Anniversary

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Ten years ago the rain came down as 600 people huddled under the tent and on the porch as we continued in the dedication of Shadow of His Wings Orphanage in Monjas, Guatemala. It didn’t stop the girls who all had their parts in the ceremony. The celebration and dedication were for them, and they proudly started everything with their praise and worship dance. They ended it with individual prayers for all of the guests.

IMG_0262 2We laugh about the deluge that we endured in 2006 but, it happened again when we celebrated the Shadow’s 10th anniversary two weeks ago. This time, we stayed dry under the roof of the multipurpose building and welcomed the much-needed rain. Guests included former house parents, workers, and girls who left the home.

 

 

Bryon Applegate, COO of James Project of Latin America shared the following:

During the last ten years:

*Over 200 children have been served through Shadow.
*The central kitchen has served 700,000 meals.
*Thirty missionaries have served at Shadow.
*Fifteen sets of house parents have worked at Shadow.
*Sixty teens have graduated.
*One God provided for all of this.

Bryon went on to state:

*The same God who led two million Israelites out of Egypt led two women to Monjas, Guatemala.
*The same God who fed the 5,000 feeds the children of the Project everyday.
*The same God who called the twelve disciples called the staff and missionaries to serve here.
*And the same God who claimed Mt. Sinai as holy ground claims this property as holy ground as well.
*It was not that the actual ground on which Moses stood was holy; rather, it was the presence of the holy God that made it holy. God’s presence is here as well.

“In another ten years when it’s time to celebrate 20 years on this property, most of you will not be here. But as you look back, whether you were here as a child, missionary, as part of the staff, or as a team member, hopefully, you will remember what God did for you and to you during your time here.”

Bryon concluded with a declaration, “This is His project and His property, and we are His servants and children.”

IMG_0264My heart did flip-flops through the program, and when some of the girls, who are now adults, did a praise and worship dance, I couldn’t hold it back. Tears filled my eyes and memories of times past flooded my mind. Bryon said it well. This is God’s project and everything we saw, and all the accomplishments go to His glory. I felt blessed to serve with our Lord.

In November we will celebrate 15 years from the time James Project Latin America/Shadow of His Wings became an official non-profit association. I look forward to another memory packed time as we celebrate Shadow’s Anniversary.

Free From Fear: Part 2

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Free From Fear: Part 1

IMG_1567Stephani* needed to tell me what gripped her mind. She refused to communicate with others and looked like a scared refugee when she sat in class with the other girls. Lord, what caused these emotional issues? I probed and finally turned to Colossians 2:15 in my Bible and read to her how Jesus triumphed over Satan and disarmed all demonic powers and authorities at His crucifixion and resurrection.

“He stripped them of their power to hold people captive against their will.” Then I had her read it and tell me what it meant. She responded that she had victory through Jesus. Those were the words I wanted to hear, and it secured another step in the process of setting her free from fear. We prayed more, and the power of the words she read began working inside of her. Stephani* then took authority over the enemy’s messing with her mind.

With more coaxing, she confessed, “Mama Carroll, I don’t want you or anybody to hate me. I’m a bad person, and I don’t know how anybody can forgive me for all the awful things I’ve done.”

I could see her confession included herself. So many times I’ve been able to forgive others but couldn’t bring myself into the equation. That horrible feeling consumed me, and yet the Lord included me in the line of forgiveness.  Lord, please open Stephani’s eyes so that she can see that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

Mary Magdalene came to mind, so back to the Bible we went. I shared how the love of the Lord changed this prostitute’s life, because Jesus forgave her. I explained that Mary had been forced into her lifestyle. “She sold herself out of choice because of tough situations, but she came to the Lord for forgiveness through His unconditional love. They became close friends, and she served with Him and His followers. He forgives you, and so do all of us. We all have areas of shame in our pasts, but we are no longer bound to them.”

“You feel a fear of what others think, but that is a deception of the enemy. You are surrounded by people who love you for who you are: a beautiful, kind, and gracious young lady. What happened in the past is nailed to the cross of Jesus, and you can leave it in the past.”

Stephani lifted her head with a determined look on her face. That look stirred hope in me that she understood freedom awaited her. We continued to pray for her healing and acceptance of forgiveness.

We face times when we are unable to forgive ourselves, but reaching that level needs to be obtained to be fully healed. Forgiveness is the key to healing: the door needs to open and the garbage cleaned out.  Later that evening I saw breakthrough as Stephani talked and laughed with some of the other girls. She experienced a new joy in her life by being set free from fear.

*Name has been changed.