Category Archives: Children in Shadow of His Wings

God’s Plan for Carmin*

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Most of the children who come to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage don’t expect to be placed here. They wait in the children’s court for the custody decision of the judge. The judge has two options: Place the child with a family member or adult friend, or send the child to an orphanage. Carmin’s case had a different slant to it. She lived with her grandfather in a safe environment, taking care of him while he provided a meager life for her. She didn’t have a reason or desire to change that. However, her world shook when she sat in her sister’s audience and heard her grandfather’s idea. He wanted his newly found granddaughter to stay in Shadow and for Carmin to go live with her. I believed this to be God’s plan for Carmin.

The loss of color in Carmin’s face and the moist dark eyes were the only visible clues to her reaction. She outwardly accepted everything that her grandfather and the judge decided for her, but I knew her insides had to be in turmoil. Saying good-bye to the grandfather turned out awkward for both girls. Vanesa* didn’t know him, and Carmin didn’t want to say good-bye. Concerned about her clothes and personal items, I assured her that we would have everything she needed.

The three hour trip to Monjas didn’t open any doors for reconciliation. These two hadn’t been together for ten years, and Vanesa didn’t seem to care if that changed. Vanesa, separated from her family at three years of age, didn’t remember Carmin. She scooted up tightly to the window and kept her eyes glued outside, acting like she might miss seeing something as we passed by. Carmin’s few words, while trying to invite conversation, met with silence. Gerber took the position of a peacemaker, but that fell flat too, since only I responded. Oh, Lord, we have our work cut out for us. Restore this relationship, and fill these girls with your love for one another. Guide us in helping with this huge transition.

Children came running and shouting with excitement when they saw us driving up to Vanesa’s home. Curiosity as to what caused such a ruckus brought out the house parents. Now in her familiar territory, Vanesa left Carmin and ran off with her friends. I introduced Carmin to the house parents, who responded with words of welcome, and then I took her to the storeroom for the normal clothing and necessities allotment.

“Vanesa just needs some time to adjust to the idea that you are her sister. She has fought the ‘battle of life’ alone for a long time, and it will be hard for her to trust you immediately.” I felt like I did all the talking, but I continued to give her the “new at Shadow” spiel. Carmin listened intently and smiled, but few words came out of her mouth. This girl needs time to adjust to us too.

My mind tried to land on some ideas to help these two biologically related strangers develop a “friend” relationship.  I believed if they could start there, the rest would take place naturally. Both girls took responsibility well and had leadership giftings. We all saw a maturity that lacked in many of the kids the same age. The teachers and house parents confirmed this to us. I assured myself that it wouldn’t take long for both girls to find each other as sisters and readjust their lives. If only it were that easy.

*Names have been changed.

Life Changes for Vanesa

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I stood among the mass of people waiting to have time with the judge in the children’s court. I saw a man stare at us with intensity. Could he be the one? I looked at his nose, a typical Mayan one for sure, and then at Vanesa’s. I saw Gerber, who came to translate, evaluating the man’s face and then Vanesa’s. He nodded to me in affirmation. Lord, lead us in this audience. I want your will and plan for Vanesa’s future. She is a part of the Shadow of His Wings family, and it would be hard to let her go with people we don’t know. Life changes for Vanesa would be decided in a few hours.

Vanesa, her side pasted to my arm, kept shifting her feet. Her eyes roamed around the room, avoiding the man and the teenager with him. My mind couldn’t comprehend what it would feel like knowing that your whole world could completely change in one visit with the judge.

Fully aware that God had a plan for this thirteen-year-old, I continued sending up prayers. I knew many others on the prayer chain were doing the same, and I felt the confidence that God’s will would prevail.

I mentally reviewed the past events when Vanesa first arrived at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage two years IMG_3418before. Her cute face and sweet nature quickly opened many hearts to accept her into the Shadow family. After rescuing her from sexual abuse, the police brought her to the orphanage. No documents or birth certificate came with her. Vanesa confided that she didn’t remember anything about her family nor where they lived. She had only her name, and that could have been changed. Our social worker investigated the few clues available. Then she put Vanesa’s picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and on TV, inquiring help from anybody who might recognize her. When the picture came out in the newspaper, we received a call from a man saying he might be her grandfather. Concerned about her going back into another abusive situation and in my protectiveness I said, “No way.” Why hadn’t he gone to the children’s court? Where had he been all this time?

“Sombra de Sus Alas,” the court secretary shouted.

My mind snapped back to our purpose with the court when I heard our name called. We entered the judge’s room. With Vanesa seated between Gerber and me, I saw the same man from the waiting room sit right across the table from me. With a sinking feeling, I saw what I didn’t want to see. The strong resemblance pointed in his favor. Lord, for her protection, give the judge the ability to make the right decision for our girl. She faces some great life changes.

Memorial for Darlin

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Guatemala 130It’s with a heavy heart that I write this memorial for Darlin Lima. This week we faced another “first” for all of us at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, with the death of one of our girls.

I remember the death grip Darlin had on my arm, in 2003, while we sat in the courtroom waiting for the judge to make a decision about Darlin’s future. Her aunt used strong words to make her wishes known that Darlin should return to her home. With her face drawn in lines of fear, and her eyes darting from person to person, Darlin told the judge that she wanted to live at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. The judge determined that Shadow would be the best place for Darlin and declared her permanent population until she turned eighteen. Darlin lived with us until that time, and then she moved on to marry and have a daughter.

Nothing prepared us for the effects of a tragedy that struck a town on the edge of Guatemala City on October 1, 2015. Due to heavy rains, a hillside in El Chambray 2, on the edge of Guatemala City, came crashing down on about 125 homes. The death count as of October 7 stands at 186 bodies recovered, but hundreds are still missing.

During the recovery process, someone found a journal at the site with three pictures in it, and they posted the pictures in the news. Someone who used to work for Shadow saw the pictures and identified Darlin. He immediately called Shadow to give us this information. Another past employee of Shadow was volunteering at the mudslide site and, after hearing about Darlin’s picture, contacted Darlin’s family and met them later at the morgue. Darlin’s family identified her and her daughter. Her sister said that rescuers found Darlin with her arms wrapped around her three-year-old daughter.

Later, as many of us gathered to support Darlin’s family that Sunday at El Chambray, I remembered how thisIMG_0987 independent, determined, and sometimes rebellious curly-haired girl fit into the Shadow family immediately. Whatever Darlin did, she put all of her abilities into it. When she played, she played hard. When she ministered in prayer or word, she did it with her whole heart. If she got upset with someone or something, those around her knew it. I especially loved watching Darlin in the gymnastic presentations. She gave it her best, showing her talent with a huge smile on her face. I saw the same characteristics when she and the girls did worship dance at church.

We had normal times of family-living together, with arguments and fights amongst the girls. I remembered a time when Darlin hit another girl and said that she did not do it. Later, her conscience got the better of her, and she confessed that she did hit the girl and lied about it. She stood ready to take on any discipline I gave out. It turned out to be minimal because of her confession and desire to be honest.

2009_09 Independence Day 107Darlin showed leadership abilities. The girls were encouraged to minister in the community, at the nursing home, during VBS, and for different opportunities at Shadow. She would be one of the first to volunteer and sometimes headed up the service needed. Darlin took ministry seriously, slipping from giggling to revering the Lord.

What touched my heart deeply was hearing the girls who went with us to El Cambray talk about their “sister” Darlin. I could hear the message of love and family in their stories as they reminisced through laughter and tears. Joanne and I desired for Shadow to be a family, and their stories showed that they felt a part of a family who loved them. Even though she no longer lives with us, she remains part of the Shadow family.

Darlin, you will always remain in our hearts. Our loss is Heaven’s gain.

Return a Girl to the Court: Part 2

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Gabriela* sat with me in the office crying out and saying that her mother hit her all the time and told her she was garbage. “I want to kill myself,” she declared emphatically. Those words sent a chill down my spine. Would we have to return a girl to the court for her own safety?

“We are here to help you and keep you safe. We are not your mother, and you need to understand that we love you. You are not garbage but a special creation of God.” I tried to encourage her, but her mouth drew into a pucker as she rolled her eyes. I knew defeat when I saw it and sent her to her room. After she had left, I alerted everyone to make sure she stayed in time-out until we decided where to go from here. She made a threat on her life, and that couldn’t be taken lightly.

To me, dealing with difficult behavior is an individual matter. Every child has different issues going on, so I didn’t feel it fair to treat all the children the same with the discipline and the same text-book counsel. Working with many children didn’t allow the ideal to be a reality. I had difficulty accepting that as I pondered about Gabriela, thinking that somehow we failed in our promises to help her. Lord, I need Your wisdom. Help me to see with Your eyes.

Life did calm down for a few months, but the school reported problems from time to time. Gabriela would kick or slug another girl. She stole items, and the lies were constant, but these kinds of things were normal for several of the new girls. However, in Gabriela’s situation, the frequency of them became a strong signal to me that we didn’t have the resources to help such a mentally distraught child. Lord, help us to help her. She’s a victim. 

Four months after her arrival at Shadow, the house-father shared his concern for his pregnant wife. Gabriela had threatened to harm her and their unborn child. That complaint fell right on the heels of a call from the directors of the school: “We have another problem here. Gabriela put a big scratch across the refrigerator and then hit Tia Elena (the cook) when she tried to stop her.”

With hurting hearts, Joanne and I decided we had to send her back to the court for a different place of residence. I looked at the other twenty-seven girls living with us and the responsibility we had for their well-being. It still tore at me that we couldn’t help this girl who cried out for help, but we had exhausted our abilities with zero results. I had to let her go, and I mentally placed her in the hands of the Lord.

With all the arrangements made, the judge asked that someone from Shadow take her to the new place of residence. Raul and Cyndi agreed to take her. When they arrived, they were appalled at the depravity of this Home. As they took Gabriela into the residence, they heard a comment, “Oh it’s you, you’re back again.”

It is never easy to return a girl to the court, but there are times when it is in the best interest for all of the other children. I consoled myself that someone else might have the right key to helping this hurting child. I’ve learned not to take it personal and to trust that the Lord can take this special person down the path that will bring him or her to a desire for attitude change and healing.

*Name has been changed.