Memorial for Darlin

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Guatemala 130It’s with a heavy heart that I write this memorial for Darlin Lima. This week we faced another “first” for all of us at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, with the death of one of our girls.

I remember the death grip Darlin had on my arm, in 2003, while we sat in the courtroom waiting for the judge to make a decision about Darlin’s future. Her aunt used strong words to make her wishes known that Darlin should return to her home. With her face drawn in lines of fear, and her eyes darting from person to person, Darlin told the judge that she wanted to live at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. The judge determined that Shadow would be the best place for Darlin and declared her permanent population until she turned eighteen. Darlin lived with us until that time, and then she moved on to marry and have a daughter.

Nothing prepared us for the effects of a tragedy that struck a town on the edge of Guatemala City on October 1, 2015. Due to heavy rains, a hillside in El Chambray 2, on the edge of Guatemala City, came crashing down on about 125 homes. The death count as of October 7 stands at 186 bodies recovered, but hundreds are still missing.

During the recovery process, someone found a journal at the site with three pictures in it, and they posted the pictures in the news. Someone who used to work for Shadow saw the pictures and identified Darlin. He immediately called Shadow to give us this information. Another past employee of Shadow was volunteering at the mudslide site and, after hearing about Darlin’s picture, contacted Darlin’s family and met them later at the morgue. Darlin’s family identified her and her daughter. Her sister said that rescuers found Darlin with her arms wrapped around her three-year-old daughter.

Later, as many of us gathered to support Darlin’s family that Sunday at El Chambray, I remembered how thisIMG_0987 independent, determined, and sometimes rebellious curly-haired girl fit into the Shadow family immediately. Whatever Darlin did, she put all of her abilities into it. When she played, she played hard. When she ministered in prayer or word, she did it with her whole heart. If she got upset with someone or something, those around her knew it. I especially loved watching Darlin in the gymnastic presentations. She gave it her best, showing her talent with a huge smile on her face. I saw the same characteristics when she and the girls did worship dance at church.

We had normal times of family-living together, with arguments and fights amongst the girls. I remembered a time when Darlin hit another girl and said that she did not do it. Later, her conscience got the better of her, and she confessed that she did hit the girl and lied about it. She stood ready to take on any discipline I gave out. It turned out to be minimal because of her confession and desire to be honest.

2009_09 Independence Day 107Darlin showed leadership abilities. The girls were encouraged to minister in the community, at the nursing home, during VBS, and for different opportunities at Shadow. She would be one of the first to volunteer and sometimes headed up the service needed. Darlin took ministry seriously, slipping from giggling to revering the Lord.

What touched my heart deeply was hearing the girls who went with us to El Cambray talk about their “sister” Darlin. I could hear the message of love and family in their stories as they reminisced through laughter and tears. Joanne and I desired for Shadow to be a family, and their stories showed that they felt a part of a family who loved them. Even though she no longer lives with us, she remains part of the Shadow family.

Darlin, you will always remain in our hearts. Our loss is Heaven’s gain.

Return a Girl to the Court: Part 2

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Gabriela* sat with me in the office crying out and saying that her mother hit her all the time and told her she was garbage. “I want to kill myself,” she declared emphatically. Those words sent a chill down my spine. Would we have to return a girl to the court for her own safety?

“We are here to help you and keep you safe. We are not your mother, and you need to understand that we love you. You are not garbage but a special creation of God.” I tried to encourage her, but her mouth drew into a pucker as she rolled her eyes. I knew defeat when I saw it and sent her to her room. After she had left, I alerted everyone to make sure she stayed in time-out until we decided where to go from here. She made a threat on her life, and that couldn’t be taken lightly.

To me, dealing with difficult behavior is an individual matter. Every child has different issues going on, so I didn’t feel it fair to treat all the children the same with the discipline and the same text-book counsel. Working with many children didn’t allow the ideal to be a reality. I had difficulty accepting that as I pondered about Gabriela, thinking that somehow we failed in our promises to help her. Lord, I need Your wisdom. Help me to see with Your eyes.

Life did calm down for a few months, but the school reported problems from time to time. Gabriela would kick or slug another girl. She stole items, and the lies were constant, but these kinds of things were normal for several of the new girls. However, in Gabriela’s situation, the frequency of them became a strong signal to me that we didn’t have the resources to help such a mentally distraught child. Lord, help us to help her. She’s a victim. 

Four months after her arrival at Shadow, the house-father shared his concern for his pregnant wife. Gabriela had threatened to harm her and their unborn child. That complaint fell right on the heels of a call from the directors of the school: “We have another problem here. Gabriela put a big scratch across the refrigerator and then hit Tia Elena (the cook) when she tried to stop her.”

With hurting hearts, Joanne and I decided we had to send her back to the court for a different place of residence. I looked at the other twenty-seven girls living with us and the responsibility we had for their well-being. It still tore at me that we couldn’t help this girl who cried out for help, but we had exhausted our abilities with zero results. I had to let her go, and I mentally placed her in the hands of the Lord.

With all the arrangements made, the judge asked that someone from Shadow take her to the new place of residence. Raul and Cyndi agreed to take her. When they arrived, they were appalled at the depravity of this Home. As they took Gabriela into the residence, they heard a comment, “Oh it’s you, you’re back again.”

It is never easy to return a girl to the court, but there are times when it is in the best interest for all of the other children. I consoled myself that someone else might have the right key to helping this hurting child. I’ve learned not to take it personal and to trust that the Lord can take this special person down the path that will bring him or her to a desire for attitude change and healing.

*Name has been changed.

Return a Girl to the Court

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I looked at the great team of people we had at the orphanage and the many hours they committed to working with the children. My mind reviewed the resources we had available to us as we encountered and dealt with each child’s individual issues. All of this felt good until it came time to return a girl to the court because we couldn’t reach her.

Gabriela* lived a difficult life before coming to the orphanage. Her grandparents participated in witchcraft and beat and abused her with knives, machetes, belt buckles, and whatever else lay close by. The stepfather sexually abused this twelve-year-old. Another piece of my heart ripped out when I heard that her mother committed suicide. In her desperation, Gabriela ran away from home to find her biological father. She did not have his full name and had only the zone number in Guatemala City where he might be living. The police picked her up off of the street and took her to the children’s court. Her bold actions told us a lot about this girl and the strength of her survival instincts. Lord, show us what we can do to bring love and peace into her heart and to guide her in the right direction.

This pretty, round-faced, dark-eyed imp started acting out immediately when she entered the orphanage. We didn’t see the usual “honeymoon” period. When the house-mother heard a ruckus in the bedroom and investigated, she found that Gabriela had gone berserk. She cut up her shoes and aggressively ripped her clothes right in front of the house-mother. Joanne dealt strongly with her, but a few days later, Gabriela took a sharp kitchen knife and chopped at the end of a wooden table. The “tia” (aunt) in charge of the children couldn’t get her to stop.

“Mama Carroll, I need your help quickly!”

I jumped up from my desk and saw Gabriela butchering the table with a paring knife. “Gabriela, please come here,” I asked in a calm but firm voice. Oh, Lord, help me to distract her from what she is doing and get the knife from her. She ignored my command, so I moved toward her and grabbed her arm. After removing the knife from her hand, I guided her to the office.

“What you did puts you and others in danger. You are never to put your hands on a knife. Do you understand?” My loud voice covered up the shaking I felt on the inside. “Answer me, Gabriela!”

Eyes can tell us a lot about what is going on in a person. The blank dark eyes that looked at me revealed a lost child who had huge walls around her heart. Her survival tactics consisted of anger and violence, which appeared to be a warning that nobody would break through those walls. Would we need to return this girl to the court because we lacked the ability to minister to the needs inside of her? The next few months would give me the answer.

*Name has been changed.

Protection and Guidance: Part 2

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As I waited for Gerber to come fix my tire in a dangerous location outside of Guatemala City, I remembered a time when I came home and noticed a white powder-like substance on the tile floor. What kind of animal leaves something like that? I looked up, and there was a small hole all the way through the ceiling and roof. I checked the floor and found a bullet slug that had rolled under the couch. This happened twice, with the second one coming through the ceiling and hitting the metal kitchen sink. I did some research on the internet and read that “terminal velocity” is when a bullet is fired straight up and then falls to the earth again, accelerating until it reaches a point where its weight equals the resistance of the air. This gives the bullet enough energy to bore through materials like a roof. Yes, people have been hit, injured, or killed by this act. I don’t know if the neighbor liked to celebrate or practice shooting his gun, but I have two 9mm slugs in my jewelry box that didn’t get me.

The Lord gave me protection and guidance just as He promised. Two dear brothers-in-the-Lord, Gerber and Raul, determined that I needed to move, and a few months later, a house became available for me to rent. Listening to their wisdom, the Lord guided me to a place that offered more security, no steep stairs, and a living area that was all closed in with an automatic garage door. This house even had a full set of kitchen cabinets. Something I never had in my past homes.

My thoughts continued while I waited to be rescued. Lord, it is my fault that I’m in this situation. I tell our missionaries that they need to travel with a companion, and I didn’t follow my own advice—Ms. Independent. I knew about the safety of traveling in pairs. I looked out the side window, and there they were. Two police officers in their black pickup pulled up beside me. The stern faced passenger rolled his window down with his rifle ready to aim and fire. Oh, Lord, help me to know what to do. I saw an alertness that would be followed by action if I didn’t do something. I remembered that they could not see me through the tinted windows. Against my resolve not to communicate with the police, I rolled my window down halfway. The seriousness on their faces changed to relief when they saw this white grandma facing them. I sighed when the rifle lowered, and the driver said, “Señora, you need to move your car. This is a very dangerous place to be.”

“I understand that, Señor, but I have a flat tire. My friend is on his way to help me,” I explained.

“No, Señora, you do not understand how dangerous it is for you to be here alone,” insisted the driver. He opened his door, signaled to his partner with the rifle to watch the highway, and came over to the car. He looked at the tires and found the one with a hole in it. Feeling a peace settle over me, I climbed out of the car. The officer told me he would change the tire, but I needed to get back in the car. I obediently did that. Watching the younger police officer guard us made me feel safe. The testimonies from my earlier remembrances encouraged me as I recognized the protective hand of God. He used these two men to guard me and change the tire. My trust level went up greatly on the scale.

With the cute little donut tire replacing the flat tire, I could now meet Gerber in the next town. “Thank you for helping me, Señor. I believe that the Lord sent you, and I truly appreciate all that you have done.”

“You are welcome, Señora. It’s a privilege to help you.” With those words and a slight smile, he signaled to his partner, and they hopped into the truck. I drove onto the highway, rejoicing that something so dangerous ended well. My two angels wearing badges followed me all the way to Jutiapa, where I met up with Gerber.

As a child of God, I see God’s protection and guidance on a regular basis in my life and those around me. I’ve grown greatly in trusting my life in His hands. One will probably never reach the “Perfect Ten” in trust, but I desire to get as close as I can and not allow fear to dictate to me.